I feel like shit.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A box of wet tissue?
Hay hay! Bloggy.
Hmm. Okay I was really hit when someone texted me asking me how m I doing and how m I feeling. After the way I treated him, I thought there was no way for him to ever keep in touch with me again. I feel bad for being mean towards him, I feel like m the worst person, but he is not as good though when looking at the things he had done to me. But then, why? I was such a bitch and yet, even at times like this when no one is here for me, there you are worrying dead about me. There you are wishing me goodluck for every check ups. And trust me, I throw my phone straight away after that because yes, I don't like you. I even confronted you that I don't like you and I want you to stay away from my life, and you did but for a while, just long enough to make me forget about things. And then when m very much in need of someone, there you are, no matter where you are, you always always bother to even know how m I feeling. After 4 years of treating you bad, you still care about this bitchy girl here. Why?
And I know you are very much updated with my life I don't know how, I just want you to not take advantage of this situation you know. Yes, thank you for being there for me but if it is because of 'that' I think you should just stop. I've known you my whole life, and I really know how you are. But hey, I think its time for me to at least appreciate all the things you have done for me. Hehe. I know m such a bitch, and you are strong. So so strong. And you know what you want and you have to get it. And someway somehow, you are right about some things you know. And because of that, you deserve to be mentioned in my clip =)
Ah well, Later!
Love,
Deen.
Hmm. Okay I was really hit when someone texted me asking me how m I doing and how m I feeling. After the way I treated him, I thought there was no way for him to ever keep in touch with me again. I feel bad for being mean towards him, I feel like m the worst person, but he is not as good though when looking at the things he had done to me. But then, why? I was such a bitch and yet, even at times like this when no one is here for me, there you are worrying dead about me. There you are wishing me goodluck for every check ups. And trust me, I throw my phone straight away after that because yes, I don't like you. I even confronted you that I don't like you and I want you to stay away from my life, and you did but for a while, just long enough to make me forget about things. And then when m very much in need of someone, there you are, no matter where you are, you always always bother to even know how m I feeling. After 4 years of treating you bad, you still care about this bitchy girl here. Why?
And I know you are very much updated with my life I don't know how, I just want you to not take advantage of this situation you know. Yes, thank you for being there for me but if it is because of 'that' I think you should just stop. I've known you my whole life, and I really know how you are. But hey, I think its time for me to at least appreciate all the things you have done for me. Hehe. I know m such a bitch, and you are strong. So so strong. And you know what you want and you have to get it. And someway somehow, you are right about some things you know. And because of that, you deserve to be mentioned in my clip =)
Ah well, Later!
Love,
Deen.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Heee.
... and on the brighter side, I SHALL DRAG MIMIE AND CO HERE! Eh you people whom I love dearly, please pack your things and hit my place and we shall partay Bro Joe's way. Miss na miss! Wtf wtf. Just felt like saying that wah =/
Inner sayings don't bother.
Hmm bloggy, I shall read you all over from the first post if anything.
Everything is attacking me again now, the fear, the tears, everything. My god, Tasha just said something that made me go 'Damn shit' -- The first 18 year old. My god. Times like this I want to say WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!? But then again I have files/records thicker than those from a lawyer's shelves to explain everything. Well, in just days huh? Till moment of truth. I thought I was ready I thought I was over these tears, but hey, m not! M not! M not strong, I thought I was. M just one huge wrong mistake. But then, there's this small part in me that says 'Everything will be worth it' and I know it will but I just don't know why m I feeling like this. I spend most of my time struggling to boost it up, but what the fuck, why couldn't the numbers go up? Why everyday I have to face the same shit? It is always 'Oh no improvement..' Every single fucking day! Can you imagine how fucked up that is? Can you imagine how much I want to stop time from ticking?
As much as I want that to happen, I can't I just have to face this. I don't know how but I have to. At times, if I go jogging, tears will run down my face because I know whats the reason for all this jogging, dancing and exercising. But I just have to keep myself together and be strong, and stronger once m done with everything. Why is time moving so fast? Why can't I make time wait for me? But then again, that is when the phrase 'Time waits for no man' comes in. But please! People always say that they are running out of time, running out of time but they still have forever! I on the other hand, is seriously running out time and have no forever, just hours and days.
I don't know how to react to this, I know m talking as though m going to die or whatever shit but trust me, this thing is worst than dying. At least if you die, you will just go on and move on. But this one, once m done, m a big 18 year old baby. Its about knowing people again. Its about learning everything again. Its about experiencing everything again. Its about making the same mistakes again. My god. Issues man! Issues! And you don't know how much I am scared to face tomorrow. M scared to fall asleep because I know I will wake up to a new day. No matter what I do, it is still the same shit. I swear if I get over this, m going to celebrate it Tasha and I's way! Have fun all the way. After what had happened and what is happening now, I believe I deserve to have fun alright!
Well, till whenever! I don't think you want me to talk more! Later!
Love,
Deen.
Everything is attacking me again now, the fear, the tears, everything. My god, Tasha just said something that made me go 'Damn shit' -- The first 18 year old. My god. Times like this I want to say WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!? But then again I have files/records thicker than those from a lawyer's shelves to explain everything. Well, in just days huh? Till moment of truth. I thought I was ready I thought I was over these tears, but hey, m not! M not! M not strong, I thought I was. M just one huge wrong mistake. But then, there's this small part in me that says 'Everything will be worth it' and I know it will but I just don't know why m I feeling like this. I spend most of my time struggling to boost it up, but what the fuck, why couldn't the numbers go up? Why everyday I have to face the same shit? It is always 'Oh no improvement..' Every single fucking day! Can you imagine how fucked up that is? Can you imagine how much I want to stop time from ticking?
As much as I want that to happen, I can't I just have to face this. I don't know how but I have to. At times, if I go jogging, tears will run down my face because I know whats the reason for all this jogging, dancing and exercising. But I just have to keep myself together and be strong, and stronger once m done with everything. Why is time moving so fast? Why can't I make time wait for me? But then again, that is when the phrase 'Time waits for no man' comes in. But please! People always say that they are running out of time, running out of time but they still have forever! I on the other hand, is seriously running out time and have no forever, just hours and days.
I don't know how to react to this, I know m talking as though m going to die or whatever shit but trust me, this thing is worst than dying. At least if you die, you will just go on and move on. But this one, once m done, m a big 18 year old baby. Its about knowing people again. Its about learning everything again. Its about experiencing everything again. Its about making the same mistakes again. My god. Issues man! Issues! And you don't know how much I am scared to face tomorrow. M scared to fall asleep because I know I will wake up to a new day. No matter what I do, it is still the same shit. I swear if I get over this, m going to celebrate it Tasha and I's way! Have fun all the way. After what had happened and what is happening now, I believe I deserve to have fun alright!
Well, till whenever! I don't think you want me to talk more! Later!
Love,
Deen.
Back!
Well, hello bloggy!
Okay let me start with -- Have you ever felt that you regret doing something? or knowing something or even someone?
For me, it's a yes and it's a no. Why? Of course I have some things that I regret doing right? Like, all those stupid stuff I've done along the way, things I have said that I didn't actually mean, you know, stuff like that. And it is also a No because without all those things I did before, I mean I wouldn't be who I am right now. And even as fucked up as I am right now, m not going to blame those mistakes, those things I did before.
Now that everything is clear to me, whether it is real or not, I believe that my heart tells the right thing, I just believe. And now that true colors are shown, for once in my life I know I did the right thing. Again, even if it's the wrong one then m going to take this, m going to accept this. Living life is all about accepting things and not make a big fuss out of it. No matter how shitty it is but then of course it has its on levels I mean yeah -_-'
But one thing for sure is to not step down as low as the cause of everything. Yes revenge is a dish served better cold, but why waste your time? There is no Karma here, what goes around comes around? It may be soon it may be later? It may not be true. It is just the way we live life, self realization and guilt as even the slightest guilt can fuck things up. No matter how much you hate, dislike and despise, push it aside and aim for a better life and live that life. For yourself.
I just got hit by one huge reality motherfuck and m glad it hit me because now, I will keep it secure as it is not cheap.
Ah well, I shall watch TV and drown myself with junkies. Later!
Love,
Deen.
Okay let me start with -- Have you ever felt that you regret doing something? or knowing something or even someone?
For me, it's a yes and it's a no. Why? Of course I have some things that I regret doing right? Like, all those stupid stuff I've done along the way, things I have said that I didn't actually mean, you know, stuff like that. And it is also a No because without all those things I did before, I mean I wouldn't be who I am right now. And even as fucked up as I am right now, m not going to blame those mistakes, those things I did before.
Now that everything is clear to me, whether it is real or not, I believe that my heart tells the right thing, I just believe. And now that true colors are shown, for once in my life I know I did the right thing. Again, even if it's the wrong one then m going to take this, m going to accept this. Living life is all about accepting things and not make a big fuss out of it. No matter how shitty it is but then of course it has its on levels I mean yeah -_-'
But one thing for sure is to not step down as low as the cause of everything. Yes revenge is a dish served better cold, but why waste your time? There is no Karma here, what goes around comes around? It may be soon it may be later? It may not be true. It is just the way we live life, self realization and guilt as even the slightest guilt can fuck things up. No matter how much you hate, dislike and despise, push it aside and aim for a better life and live that life. For yourself.
I just got hit by one huge reality motherfuck and m glad it hit me because now, I will keep it secure as it is not cheap.
Ah well, I shall watch TV and drown myself with junkies. Later!
Love,
Deen.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Jeng Jeng Jeng
M going to slay myself after saying this but I feel PINK! And I feel Awesome! And hyped up! Sorry for this betray, Purple ='( *And oh, saying Goodbye to this hair soon!*Ah well! That is how m feeling the whole day! Super unnecessarily perky and pouty! I think today is fine. I woke up early and spent the morning really really interesting-ly. Though I had a rough night due to some again, unnecessary things which I should stop thinking by now already. But hey, things like that sometimes just attack me. HAHA! Ah well. Had great outing with the brothers, gosh I seriously felt protected, baby sister must walk in between big brother and second big brother. Roar. Hung out at TT Blues. And I had Kway Teow and Ha! It has been a while. Angah actually thought I was dumb but actually, I hadn't finished my sentence. Haha! But still they concluded that m bad in Math. And I seriously need to stop saying that before I seriously Jinx it. I think I kinda did already so fine fine, further jinxed it then! Ah well, I bought DVDs just now! I love Brunei for selling those pirated DVDs. Trust me, m a cheapo. HAHA! Eh! That didn't come out right, I buy cheap stuff! There you go. And so now, I shall watch them DVDs and free my mind. And then tomorrow wake up and have fun, again. And can I see more eye candies in jerseys? Please. It has been a while. My eyes need treatment. HAHA! But then again, nevermind. I prefer to browse for treadmill. ROAR. Anyway! Goodnight! Hugs! Hugs! Later!
Love,
Deen!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The horror.
Everything is happening really really soon and it is starting to freak me out. I thought I could make it by now but I was wrong and I don't know what to choose. I don't know what I want is the best thing or not. I don't know really but it is all up to me. My god. Time is seriously running out. I wonder why m I being tested this way, things are already hard and now it is even harder when time is given. Sheesh. I was not as scared like this before because I thought I could do it, I thought I could boost it up. But then again, regardless whether I can show them something or not, papers must still be all signed by end of this month. Bad or Good they have to be signed. Roar. Bad? After signed then lets just wait for the time. Good? After signed then everything is worth it. After weeks only by 4? Gosh, where can I get the other 6? This is painful. Never thought that pain came to me all at once. It is so unfair. But hold that! Maybe if they all came at once, then they wont come again! =) Okay that is something. Haha. Ah well, Later.
Love,
Deen.
Love,
Deen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
